This is a special edition blog post purely dedicated to the athletes that live in my apartment building. Its a bit ridiculous how many of them there are and how I always run into them when I am looking 100% homeless.
First we have Hot Olympic Swimmer dude. Yep he is a professional swimmer. He gets paid to work out. How did we meet you ask? Well one lovely Sunday afternoon I was in full "No Shower Sunday" mode walking over to my cousin James place for what was probably a Gatorade. So I am in the elevator and who walks in with NO SHIRT ON and a gym bag but only the most ripped man on the planet. I try to ignore the fact that I probably smell like the dance floor at a frat house when I ask him about his Olympic Rings tattoo.
Jackie: " Oh wow did you go the Olympics?"
HOS(hot Olympic Swimmer) " Yeah"
Jackie : " REALLY!!!! that's cool what for?"
HOS: "Swimming in 2004"
Jackie: "Well congrats! That is quite an accomplishment" WTF.......not sure why I said that
HOS: "Ha thanks"
We exchange names and go our separate ways.
FAST FORWARD 3 Weeks to the Gaslight Lofts Jazz in the Park wine mixer!
I am taking advantage of the free wine and buffet and who do I see all alone at the table next to me but HOS. Side note Hot Olympic Swimmer has the same acronym as Hot Oral Surgeon. coincidence? FATE! So I walk up and say hi and he clearly does not remember me. BUT we get to chatting and I find out his last name is MANIA. yep coolest last name ever. He is actually a pretty nice guy. Me, my friend Topher(who lives in my building) and Mr. Mania exchange numbers to all get together sometime. I brush it off and Topher and I leave to call it a night. We get in the garage and who is parked next to us?! Its MANIA!!!! So HOS asks us if we want to grab a beer and we say sure. We head up to his place and crack a few open and enjoy the balcony. All of a sudden HOS gets a call where are we can here on this end is "ya sure man I will buzz you up" Presumably one of his buddies is stopping by for a brew. So I am sitting there all innocently with two strangers who are now friendly neighbors and who walks through the door but.............. MY DENTIST?! This is weird. AWKWARD TURTLE! I get up and give him a hug and wonder why Mania knows my 45 year old dentist and why is he here at 11 on a Thursday. I also cant help but hope my teeth look immaculate. Apparently they are in the same swim club. Dentist was in the area for a client dinner. Meh. So I have a few and then call it a night.
Fast forward 1 week later. I get a text from Mania saying he is desperate and knows its weird but he doesn't know anyone and wants to know if I can water his plants while he is gone at the National Swimming Championships. So I do and he gets back ans says he wants to take me for a beer. I say sure and welp then he fell of the planet so that never happened.
FAST FORWARD 3 weeks later. ANOTHER text from Mania stating he knows he still owes me a beer but his buddy just broke his leg and cant water his plants anymore while he is gone for the next ten days. can I help him out? WTF and I the help now! I say sure but inform that I am upgrading to whiskey and that for future reference the front desk will do this. I water his plants and steal a tomato.
We have yet to have that drink.
SECOND we have Brewers Players who live in the apt NEXT DOOR. So its a Wed and I am walking in the door from Softball. I have about a one inch think layer of bug spray on, dirt and a baseball cap. I hop in the elevator and two GORGEOUS guys in suits and lots of black suitcases get in. GREAT I smell and stink and am wearing a shirt that says RAH! on it. So being the friendly neighbor I strike up a conversation
Jackie :" Where are you two boys coming from"
BBP(brewers baseball players)" St. Louis"
So then I look down to see a long black bag which I presume to be a travel golf bag
Jackie: "big golf trip huh? awkward laugh"
BBP "nope." They give each other glances and I immediately know something is up.
Jackie: " Well st. Louis is great I grew up a couple of hours from there."
BBP" Oh ya we went and saw the Arch."
crickets..........
So then the elevator opens and we all get off and start walking the same direction and they ask if I am following them. I get all defense and am like NO i live here! then i look down to see the HUGE brewer logo on their NOT GOLF BAG BUT BAT BAG. it clicks in my head. we say our goodbyes and I rush to the computer to see yep! the brewers played the Cardinals in St. Louis earlier in the day. DOH!
I look up the player photos and its confirmed they are on the team and actually play fairly often.
I have not seen them again. I have however heard them "entertaining" what must be Milwaukee's classiest ladies through the wall. barf!
THREE, there are two very hot soccer players who live down the hall. One has a girlfriend and the other is super nice and I see him all the time. While I am attracted to him he wears a lot of Sean John. deal breaker? If he asks me out (which I don't foresee happening) I wont hold it against him. They are both also in the medical device industry so we have that in common.
I have also seen some very large tall men occasionally that if you told me they were basketball players i wouldn't be surprised.
I think the take away here is that if I even think about setting foot in that elevator I should at least run a brush through my hair and slap on some makeup. Done and Done.
Also can i get an AMEN!!!! for some hot abs! whew!
No comments:
Post a Comment